In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
