I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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