dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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