i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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