Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
