He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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