I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
