ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
