if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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