I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
