): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
