I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
