I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
