just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
