If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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