So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
