no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
