hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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