I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
