do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
