:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
