I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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