I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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