Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
