i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
