Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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