i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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