She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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