youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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