my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
