You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
