every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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