either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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