He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he just fucked me for my cheese.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
