Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
