dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
