Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
