Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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