I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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