singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
