you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
