just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
