Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
