Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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