I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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