just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
