Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You may now shotgun with the bride
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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