I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
