Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
