i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize